Coffee House, walk the talk

The one that got away

2012-01-02T21:19:00.001+08:00

The one that got away...

Have you ever felt that way about someone that you have previously dated or had a crush on?

I did.
For a while anyway.

You get nostalgic about those 'special' memories and 'what ifs' but those are pretty pictures of self illustrated 'what ifs' that could just as well ended with another series of 'what ifs' with another guy. That tends to happen when the current relationship isn't going as well.

So there's a huge chunk of 'what ifs' out there. What about 'I have'? I've him/her in my arms right now. I'm thankful for the constant nagging 'cos he/she cares about me and it's a start to effective communication!

For singles, 'I have' applies as well; I've time for myself, family, forming deeper relationships with those I've neglected when I was attached, more self enrichment time to prepare myself for the one who's meant to be... or even to prepare oneself for oneself or Him.

People tends to think that the one who 'got away' did 'cos he/she seemed so happy and attractive the last time you guys bumped into each other.
Truth is, everyone is working on some sort of life's challenges here or there; their lives aren't perfect either.
And whether their lives' perfect or not definitely isn't any of your business for that kinda indicates that you're only coveting after what you don't have or their 'possessions' (material and non material).

Partings by death are the most unbearable ones though... and to those who went through that... he/she really was the one who got away...

Night people!

2011

2011-12-26T16:56:00.000+08:00

This Christmas, I spent it with... JJC; Junice, Jacq and Caroline. Not through a white Christmas but a Wicked-y one last evening.
Deliciously wicked ;)

Just the other night out with my 'party' friends, impromptu, seeing things through their eyes again; partying till wee morning hours and spending the rest of the day in bed or lazing around without an ounce of concentration left to chase after hobbies or make time for family and love ones... Or perhaps socializing, networking and clubbing is part of their lifestyle and aside from work, there's not much else to focus on in Singapore?

As the year draws to an end, the team was asked to submit our last weekly report of the year in a graphic format of what 2011 meant to us. Breakthroughs were made work wise but how is it that there's still a sense of emptiness from deep within? Not necessary due to the MIA love life but it just felt that things aren't happening fast enough for me.

There. Instant gratification. Really ought to nip that expectation in the bud, esp. for Gen Y.

Much as work is challenging and preoccupying my thoughts and energy, the urge to own a business/ project or something to call my very own; that I can invest my creative juices, inspiration in. Do people call that hobbies? If I don't pace myself, I might very well get burnt out soon in 2012.

2011 - a year of progression at work; where we went from OOH media to incorporate a digital arm, where a team of 1 (or rather 1.5) formed into a team of 4. A tedious climb up studies wise as balancing work and studies didn't come easy. Nonetheless, am on my way to clearing the last four modules.
Personal life - stagnant. Will this area of my life ever become a priority?

It's time to start identifying 2012 goals.

The Aftermath of...

2011-12-18T17:30:00.000+08:00

Exams had come to a close last Wednesday when the clock struck 6.15pm.
Another chapter of my life closed. For the moment.

As dusk turns to dawn, the brain switching from one operational mode to another by 'rejoining' the workforce after a two weeks hiatus, the mind and heart seems not to have time for the 'self'.

A go-getter. That's what society is turning me into. Aiming to perform well at work while completing that daunting ACCA. Milestones in terms of career and status recognition. How is it that social life, personal enrichment and family had taken a back seat?

"It's seldom that I hear of girls saying that they have no time for romance." - A friend.

There was a time when having a partner was important to me as I tried to fill up a missing piece by finding that special someone who can makes my heart beat at twice the rate, whom I'll want to wake up seeing (most of the days), lazing around making breakfast and making a home that's our very own sanctuary against the www. world.

Anne of Green Gables, The Little Women, Jayne Eyre, Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice. Those classics series were my favourite reads since young. How could someone who buys into the themes of those literature be so disillusioned about finding love in real life?

There's two options really. Either settle down with the next person who comes along who's somewhat on the same wavelength OR concentrate on own career, self enrichment till Fate or friends let you cross path with someone who makes your heart beat wildly (at least for the 1st month).

And there's no knowing when the latter will happen.

I miss that romantic lass who used to reside in a bigger portion of my mind share. Guess that's in conflict with the chase for knowledge, recognition and career.

Or is that for the better.

As long as that formula leads to Happiness.

--------------

7.45am 19 Dec. Location: Work station for presentation rehearsal

--------------

2011-11-07T22:12:00.000+08:00

Had completed one paper and going onto P1 this coming Wednesday. Here's a post that was meant to be posted a month back :p
Who knows, could be useful for P2 next sem.
---------

In exactly one month's time, I'll be seating for F7 Financial Reporting. A much dreaded topic since there's almost zlich interaction between me and Mr. FS (Financial Statements) in my daily work routine.

Perhaps F7 will get demystified if I write out my thoughts & analysis on it.

*Yawnz*

Eh... Oops. Guess it bored me before I even got started on it.

FR. Framework. Objective? Whether it's rules based or principles based. Whether it's material then relevant, reliable, comprehensible and... eh.. oh oh, comparable! And just what does the above meant? Too much info to type in here. Pls refer to: http://www.iasplus.com/standard/framewk.htm

With that, you've "Standards" to adhere to as best corporate practices, especially for those organisations that are listed/ getting loans/ getting assessed, any deviation from the standards will require explanations in disclosure notes.

[Ahem. Hope that I'm still on the right track]

Examinable standards for F7 are as follow and can be found at http://www.asc.gov.sg/frs/index.htm

Framework
FRS 1 Presentation of Financial Statements

SFP Assets: NCA

XYZ Group – Statement of financial position as at 31 December 20X7 (in thousands of currency units)

	31 Dec	31 Dec
	20X7	20X6
ASSETS

Non-current assets
Property, plant and equipment (FRS 16 PPE + FRS 36 Impairement of Assets) PPE under Finance Lease FRS 17 Investment Property FRS 40 IP	350,700	360,020
Goodwill (Purchased, FRS 103 Business Combinations)	80,800	91,200
Other intangible assets (FRS 38 IA) Development expenditure capitalised FRS 38 IA Borrowing costs capitalised (as part of qualifying PPE) FRS 23 BC	227,470	227,470
Investments in associates (FRS 28 IIA)	100,150	110,770
Available-for-sale financial assets (FRS 32 Financial Instruments Presentation + FRS 39 FI Recognition & Measurement)	142,500	156,000
	901,620	945,460
Current assets
Inventories (FRS 2 Inventories + Substance over form) Amount due from customers FRS 11 Construction Contracts	135,230	132,500
Trade receivables (FRS 39 FI R&M) Grant Receivable FRS 20 Accounting for Gov. Grants & Disclosure of Gov. Assistance	91,600	110,800
Other current assets	25,650	12,540
Cash and cash equivalents	312,400	322,900
	564,880	578,740
Total assets	1,466,500	1,524,200

EQUITY AND LIABILITIES
Equity attributable to owners of the parent
Share capital	650,000	600,000
Retained earnings	243,500	161,700
Other components of equity Other Reserves - Option to Convert to Equity FRS 32 FI P + FRS 39 FI R&M + FRS 107	10,200	21,200
	903,700	782,900
Minority interest	70,050	48,600
Total equity	973,750	831,500
Non-current liabilities
Lease Obligations > 12 months FRS 17 Leases 10% Convertible Debts FRS 32 + FRS 39 + FRS 107 Financial Instruments Provision for additional finance cost FRS 32 + FRS 39 + FRS 107 Financial Instruments Redeemable Preference Share Capital FRS 32 + FRS 39 + FRS 107 Financial Instruments Long-term borrowings	120,000	160,000
Deferred tax (FRS 12 Income Taxes)	28,800	26,040
Long-term provisions	28,850	52,240
Total non-current liabilities	177,650	238,280
Current liabilities
Trade and other payables Amount due to customers FRS 11 CC Lease obligations < 12 months FRS 17 Leases Accrued interest FRS 17 Leases Provision for taxation FRS 12 Income taxes	115,100	187,620
Short-term borrowings	150,000	200,000
Current portion of long-term borrowings	10,000	20,000
Current tax payable	35,000	42,000
Short-term provisions (FRS 37 Provisions, Contingent Liabilities, Contingent Assets + FRS 10 Events after the Balance Sheet Date)	5,000	4,800
Total current liabilities	315,100	454,420
Total liabilities	492,750	692,700
Total equity and liabilities	1,466,500	1,524,200

XYZ Group – Statement of comprehensive income for the year ended

31 December 20X7

(illustrating the presentation of comprehensive income in one statementand the classification of expenses within profit by function)

(in thousandsof currency units)


	20X7	20X6
Revenue (FRS 18 Revenue + FRS 11 CC)	390,000	355,000
Cost of sales (FRS 11 CC)	(245,000)	(230,000)
Gross profit	145,000	125,000
Other income	20,667	11,300
Distribution costs	(9,000)	(8,700)
Administrative expenses Depreciation FRS 16 PPE + FRS 17 if finance lease	(20,000)	(21,000)
Other expenses	(2,100)	(1,200)
Finance costs (FRS 17 Leases)	(8,000)	(7,500)
Share of profit of associates^(a)	35,100	30,100
Profit before tax	161,667	128,000
Income tax expense (FRS 12 Income Taxes)	(40,417)	(32,000)
Profit for the year from continuing operations	121,250	96,000
Loss for the year from discontinued operations	–	(30,500)
PROFIT FOR THE YEAR	121,250	65,500
Other comprehensive income:
Exchange differences on translating foreign operations^(b)	5,334	10,667
Available-for-sale financial assets^(b)	(24,000)	26,667
Cash flow hedges^(b)	(667)	(4,000)
Gains on property revaluation	933	3,367
Actuarial gains (losses) on defined benefit pension plans	(667)	1,333
Share of other comprehensive income of associates^(c)	400	(700)
Income tax relating to components of other comprehensive income^(d)	4,667	(9,334)
Other comprehensive income for the year, net of tax	(14,000)	28,000
TOTAL COMPREHENSIVE INCOME FOR THE YEAR	107,250	93,500

	20X7	20X6
Profit attributable to:
Owners of the parent	97,000	52,400
Minority interest	24,250	13,100
	121,250	65,500

Total comprehensive income attributable to:
Owners of the parent	85,800	74,800
Minority interest	21,450	18,700
	107,250	93,500

Earnings per share (in currency units):
Basic and diluted	0.46	0.30

(a) Thismeans the share of associates’ profit attributable to owners of the associates,ie it is after tax and minority interests in the associates.

(b) Thisillustrates the aggregated presentation, with disclosure of the current yeargain or loss and reclassification adjustment presented in the notes. Alternatively, a gross presentation can beused.

(c) Thismeans the share of associates’ other comprehensive income attributable toowners of the associates, ie it is after tax and minority interests in theassociates.

(d) Theincome tax relating to each component of other comprehensive income isdisclosed in the notes.

And then the following's a confusion state of mind over SCF -_-"

Cash Flow Statement for an Entity other than a FinancialInstitution

(FRS 7 Statement of Cash Flows)

The appendix accompanies, but is not partof, the Standard.

1. Theexamples show only current period amounts. Corresponding amounts for the preceding period are required to bepresented in accordance with FRS 1 Presentation of Financial Statements.

2. Informationfrom the income statement and balance sheet is provided to show how thestatements of cash flows under the direct method and indirect method have beenderived. Neither the income statement nor the balance sheet is presented inconformity with the disclosure and presentation requirements of otherStandards.

3. Thefollowing additional information is also relevant for the preparation of thestatements of cash flows:

· all of the shares of a subsidiary wereacquired for 590. The fair values ofassets acquired and liabilities assumed were as follows:

Inventories	100

Accounts receivable	100

Cash	40

Property, plant and equipment	650

Trade payables	100

Long-term debt	200

· 250 was raised from the issue of sharecapital and a further 250 was raised from long-term borrowings.

· interest expense was 400 of which 170 waspaid during the period. 100 relating to interest expense of the prior periodwas also paid during the period.

· dividends paid were 1,200.

· the liability for tax at the beginning andend of the period was 1000 and 400 respectively. During the period, a further200 tax was provided for. Withholdingtax on dividends received amounted to 100.

· during the period, the group acquiredproperty, plant and equipment with an aggregate cost of 1,250 of which 900 wasacquired by means of finance leases. Cash payments of 350 were made to purchase property, plant andequipment.

· plant with original cost of 80 andaccumulated depreciation of 60 was sold for 20.

· accounts receivable as at end of 19-2include 100 of interest receivable.

Consolidated Income Statement for the period ended 20-2

Sales	30,650
Cost of sales	(26,000)
Gross profit	4,650
Depreciation	(450)
Administrative and selling expenses	(910)
Interest expense	(400)
Investment income	500
Foreign exchange loss	(40)
Profit before taxation	3,350
Taxes on income	(300)
Profit	3,050

Consolidated Balance Sheet as at the end of 20-2
		20-2		20-1
Assets
Cash and cash equivalents		230		160
Accounts receivable (Increase in AR)		1,900		1,200
Inventory		1,000		1,950
Portfolio investments		2,500		2,500
Property, plant and equipment at cost	3,730		1,910
Accumulated depreciation	(1,450)		(1,060)
Property, plant and equipment net		2,280		850
Total assets		7,910		6,660

Liabilities
Trade payables		250		1,890
Interest payable		230		100
Income taxes payable		400		1,000
Long-term debt		2,300		1,040
Total liabilities		3,180		4,030

Shareholders’ equity
Share capital		1,500		1,250
Retained earnings		3,230		1,380
Total shareholders’ equity		4,730		2,630
Total liabilities and shareholders’ equity		7,910		6,660

Direct Method Cash Flow Statement (paragraph 18a)
		20-2
Cash flows from operating activities
Cash receipts from customers	30,150
Cash paid to suppliers and employees	(27,600)
Cash generated from operations	2,550
Interest paid	(270)
Income taxes paid	(900)

Net cash from operating activities		1,380

Cash flows from investing activities
Acquisition of subsidiary X, net of cash acquired (Note A)	(550)
Purchase of property, plant and equipment (Note B)	(350)
Proceeds from sale of equipment	20
Interest received	200
Dividends received	200

Net cash used in investing activities		(480)

Cash flows from financing activities
Proceeds from issue of share capital	250
Proceeds from long-term borrowings	250
Payment of finance lease liabilities	(90)
Dividends paid*	(1,200)

Net cash used in financing activities		(790)

Net increase in cash and cash equivalents		110
Cash and cash equivalents at beginning of period (Note C)		120
Cash and cash equivalents at end of period (Note C)		230

*This could also be shown as an operating cash flow.

Indirect Method Cash Flow Statement (paragraph 18b)
		20-2
Cash flows from operating activities
Profit before taxation	3,350
Adjustments for:
Depreciation (non cash item)	450
Foreign exchange loss (wrong category - Finance activities)	40
Investment income (wrong categroy - Finance activities)	(500)
Interest expense (wrong category - deduct actual paid only after "Cash generated from operations)	400
	3,740
Increase in trade and other receivables (increase in AR, less cash for entity 700 -gain of 100 interest receivable which should be a gain in financial activties - gain of 100 AR from subsidiary?)	(500)
Decrease in inventories (less purchases, more cash)	1,050
Decrease in trade payables (earlier payment, less cash )	(1,740)
Cash generated from operations	2,550
Interest paid (deduct actual paid amt)	(270)
Income taxes paid (1000 - 400 + 200 + 100 (notes))	(900)

Net cash from operating activities		1,380

Cash flows from investing activities
Acquisition of subsidiary X net of cash acquired (Note A)	(550)
Purchase of property, plant and equipment (Note B) (cash payment made)	(350)
Proceeds from sale of equipment	20
Interest received (where?)	200
Dividends received	200

Net cash used in investing activities		(480)

Cash flows from financing activities
Proceeds from issue of share capital	250
Proceeds from long-term borrowings	250
Payment of finance lease liabilities	(90)
Dividends paid*	(1,200)

Net cash used in financing activities		(790)

Net increase in cash and cash equivalents		110
Cash and cash equivalents at beginning of period (Note C)		120
Cash and cash equivalents at end of period (Note C)		230

*This could also be shown as an operating cash flow.

Notes to the Cash Flow Statement

(direct method and indirect method)

A. Acquisitionof Subsidiary

During the period the group acquired subsidiary X. The fair value of assets acquired andliabilities assumed were as follows:

Cash	40
Inventories	100
Accounts receivable	100
Property, plant and equipment	650
Trade payables	(100)
Long-term debt	(200)
Total purchase price	590
Less: Cash of X	(40)
Cash flow on acquisition net of cash acquired	550

B. Property,Plant and Equipment

During the period the Group acquired property, plant and equipment withan aggregate cost of 1,250 of which 900 was acquired by means of financeleases. Cash payments of 350 were madeto purchase property, plant and equipment.

C. Cashand Cash Equivalents

Cash and cash equivalents consist of cash on hand and balances withbanks, and investments in money market instruments. Cash and cash equivalents included in thecash flow statement comprise the following balance sheet amounts:

	20-2	20-1
Cash on hand and balances with banks	40	25
Short-term investments	190	135
Cash and cash equivalents as previously reported	230	160
Effect of exchange rate changes	-	(40)
Cash and cash equivalents as restated	230	120

Cash and cash equivalents at the end of the period include deposits withbanks of 100 held by a subsidiary which are not freely remissible to theholding company because of currency exchange restrictions.

The Group has undrawn borrowing facilities of 2,000 of which 700 may beused only for future expansion.

D. SegmentInformation

	Segment A	Segment B	Total
Cash flows from:
Operating activities	1,520	(140)	1,380
Investing activities	(640)	160	(480)
Financing activities	(570)	(220)	(790)
	310	(200)	110

Alternative Presentation (indirect method)

As an alternative, in an indirect method cash flow statement, operatingprofit before working capital changes is sometimes presented as follows:

Revenues excluding investment income	30,650
Operating expense excluding depreciation	(26,910)

Operating profit before working capital changes		3,740

2011-09-25T15:58:00.000+08:00

Thought of the Day: A woman's relationship with the weighing scale

A common advice to men and women alike, is to pay compliments to the lady if you want to start things off on the right tone. Not excessively to come across as insincere, but just enough to make the lady feels at ease.

A fair enough advice given that billions of dollars are spent by women on beauty and fashion products yearly. And so, that's where the love, hate relationship derives with the weighing scale or that dress which we've worn to prom and can't fit in today.

Ridiculous isn't it, that a woman's worth is tied to these superficial measurements. What traits truly add up to our worth as individuals?
And why is that scale so different when it comes to the worth as a life partner/ girlfriend?

Did women of the 50s, 60s had to concern themselves with these? Perhaps in a different manner. That will be how capable they are at doing chores, bearing children and whether they come with a sizeable dowry.

Hmmm... what is my dream woman? [Nope, am not gay. Just... wondering]

Someone who will throw that weighing scale out that window. [Hooray!]

Donates away old clothes that can't fit any longer. Heck, you can take that Prada dress and snip it up! Or turn it into fashion design scrap material.

Not afraid to be alone if it means that guys are just going to take her as a trophy partner.

Endearing. Persevering. Loving. Kind. Wise.
& a dash of the explorer's spirit.

And... after the weighing scale, it's definitely that unresolved issue with a certain lover - work. [Throw in an ex or 2 in the closet for good measures!]
Now, let's get the ball rolling.
-------------------

P.S.Updates of this quarter:-
Work's been crazy, lessons just started so that a whole lot of stuff.
Weekends are precious nowadays and valuable for connecting with my pets, family, myself, friends and God

Went for Don Quixote last Saturday. Lovely performance! Will be catching another ballet performance next Jan ^^

2011-08-14T07:57:00.006+08:00

The Truth, Is Ugly.

Just when you thought that person is worthy of your trust, he nose dived and plummets to the zone of unworthiness. Unworthy of your trust.

In the case of most individuals, they have yet to reach the stage beyond redemption and so we give them yet another chance to regain our trust. And then yet another one, and one, and one... till you are disillusioned and depressed. A negative spiral forgiveness is. It's the most beautiful act in the world but yet, when you have expectations for others, Forgiveness can let you down as the truth and reality hit you hard in the face.

That's when you decided not to have expectations for others. It's much simpler when you concentrate on your own growth, potential and self expectations. Polishing up your own acts to tap into your maximum potential.

Life is short. Why get into unnecessary complications?

And why am I blogging about this on an early Sunday morning, after a hiatus from blogging?

That's another story all together. Perhaps to be told over a cuppa coffee.

xoxo

2010-12-07T22:11:00.002+08:00

****
Caught the musical "Cinderel-LAH!", a Wild Rice Production 2 Saturdays ago at its gala night and I must say, despite some past conflicts with the management a few months back, the cast's really pretty good. Kudos to Serena, Gurmit and of coz, the director who made it all possible - Ivan Heng. If you are aiming for 3hrs of non-stop laughter, you definitely have a winner here.
***
P.S. this is a non-paid recommendation. LOL.
***

These past couple months, my blog had gone under the radar in protest of social media's invasion of privacy. Then after going on a course on Social Media Marketing & the Sales & Marketing Congress, I realised that it's all just an act - this protest. For the protest was more directed at the ease at which personal info is accessible but I can totally understand where this fills in the need for 'social skills' in the virtual world.

There was a time in JC when GP papers was about the virtual world generation lacking social skills coz we are online all the time, hiding behind facades that cld be easily torn apart in real face-to-face time.

Alas! How we had belittle the human's ego, its adaptability & ways to fume that self inflated narcissism. For I do admit that this blog is primarily about me - a platform for yours truly to impose her tots upon others who care enuff to read it for I crave for a discussion, to find kindred souls who can engage in a discussion/debates or even enlighten/educate me through deeper insights. My ego craves to be challenged or to be approved/worshipped.

Nuff said.

So we can just go on maintaining this solemn/silent relationship - I write & you read/tag and choose to agree/disagree or agree to disagree with me.

And we can go on stroking each other's ego. Something which the virtual world has now allowed us to do it with extreme ease & comfort.

xoxo

2010-09-12T14:23:00.003+08:00

Life had offered me multitude experiential opportunities; to see & experience life through the persona of different class of netizens in this global village. At the age of 26, I've tasted the fruits of joy, regrets, sufferings, self indulgence, contentment and broke several commandments & experienced numerous heart stopping moments along the way.

Looking back at the early entries of this blog that were full of questions about life, about how society works, about justice & karma... it was a struggle to find peace in my tots then, to accept myself the way that I am; that it'll be an endless journey of self discovery, changes, through the different stages in life. For there is indeed a time & season for everything.

The hardest thing to achieve in life is self contentment. Being grateful for all the pleasantries and challenges in life & making the best out of it all to steer yourself towards what your heart truly desires. That desire wouldn't stem from society's pressure, nor from temptations. It will be a desire to see good work done from your very own hands. Good work that allows you to sigh in contentment & appreciates the recent little victories over a cuppa aromatic hazelnut latte or espresso. Good work that inspires & spurs you onto the next project.

And the next hardest thing to do is 'letting go'. Letting go of the things that aren't high on your priority, of things that held you back from embracing yourself fully. Of things that you have no control over.

I'm making a conscious effort to 'let go'. Saying goodbye to that perfectionist persona that doesn't appreciates what she has. Saying hello to that forward looking sparkling persona who had been trying to get my attention all this while.

Implusive? Rational? Maturity?

2010-07-25T12:37:00.006+08:00

There are different schools of tots about how you should respond to life's surprises.
A. Goes with the 1st instinct
B. Goes with the conservative choice
C. Try something different & daring
D. Listen 1st. Ponder. Discuss with a mentor then decide

At the core of the above reactions lies the truth of what defines you at that point in life. For those who think too highly of themselves, they would respond without reference to external sources. For those after power, they would make a decision that is somewhat safe and what their bosses would want. For those who dare try to reach a balance btw an amicable relationship with those who have connections, their bosses' ideals and yet propose new ideals to bring that working r/s to the next level, it's magic. Magical coz you are watching an ideal being formed into reality, knowing that your integrity is still intact coz you weren't out to please nor after power, but knowing that you are enjoying what your work can bring to you; the exploration & numerous possibilities to create beautiful partnerships.

So being the 1st to respond doesn't mean that you're the smartest. More often than not, it's not the best choice that's available to you.

Loves talking to people. Loves exchanging ideas. Loves communication. Loves pondering. Loves growing with time.

What're your tots on this entry?

xoxo

2010-06-22T12:38:00.002+08:00

On this fateful day, I walked alongside thee with a heavy heart so the world had not been kind to me. The path taken had been treacherous, & ambushed many a time when the guard was down. How does one face thineself & say he had given his best in taking care of himself? For that is not true. It can't be true when there were moments that he despised himself, when all hope was gone... Even for a millisecond. When he stops believing in himself.

And so. I walked with a heavy heart.

Alongside the man that I looked up to. I dare not face him. For He had been far too lenient with me. To the point that I might have gone to the dark side for the guilt inside of me; it becomes a barrier from being good again. Taking really good care of myself. What is that definition for me?

What's tt definition for You?

2010-06-21T12:49:00.004+08:00

Life's like a puzzle. Without the bigger picture, u'll take forever to figure out how to piece it all together. So sometimes when we're lost & without tt life map in front of us, we get disheartened, aimless, & even depressed & starts to question our own values & self worth. Inferiority complex.

Relax.

Take a deep breath.

Sit back & let ur mind wander.

Let ur passions, fond memories, childhood dreams, faces of loves ones & those tt u treasure come to u.

Breathe.

And just go where ur heart leads u.

Simple way to tune in back to tt inner conscience & natural compass.

And u're definitely worth it.

2010-05-26T17:49:00.002+08:00

What's wrong with all the unreasonable ppl who started popping up in my life all of a sudden?!!! Angry. ANGRY. Super duper ANGRY.

Going to blacklist W!ld Rice production from now on. Those ppl r simply bullies!!! Am already sponsoring media & yet, asking us to give u at below cost production. Watever. Go & ask from SMRT then.

Ok.

Fine fine. Hey, u guys r making profit after all & we're also a profit making company. What're my returns here then? Did u accord the due returns as discussed during the meeting. To have out of the box way of acknowledging sponsors. Or even to execute creative concepts on the sponsored media? What's ur value add? We do not care tt much for ur tickets u know.

Angry.

Haha. Can't believe tt I'm using such simplistic way of describing my anger; Angry. See what seeing the red had reduced my linguistic & narrative skills to!!

Gosh... One after another. Better watch out for those big bullies out there. Am strictly going by SOPs & black & white from henceforth to protect myself.

Happy.

Affirmation of Life

2010-05-23T16:12:00.002+08:00

The world is a scary place. Full of people who can stoop to all means to get their ways. People who think that the world owes it to them, that Fate should intervene to give them whatever they wish for.

But that didn't matter the slightest today for it was a beautiful beautiful day =)

Went out with a certain tall, dark & kinda handsome =P someone at 4pm to get a cake for my dad's birthday, only to face the closed gates of Jane's cakes at YCK road! Hmm... & there it says on the poster; Sundays & Public Hols till 4pm. Alas! Oh well, guess our fated path lies another way today and thus goodbye & hello to another.

Swept out my hand iPhone & on HungryGoWhere App, found this cake shop along Ann Siang Rd that is rated 8.1 out of 10. Seems as good a choice as any other given on this last min cake shopping.

Hold on a sec. If this place is so darn good, then would there be any bday cake available? Apprehensively, my fingers dialed the Kki's number, was put through only to be notified that birthday cakes are available for orders placed 3 days in advance... Darn! What? There's a cake available now? Baked for a customer picking it up tml? But able to bake another one today for tml's order? Yesh! Yippie!

And thus the story goes & I ended up at Kki @ no.7 Ann Siang Hill.

Hidden at the turn of the corner from Ann Siang Hill into Club St, Kki's exterior glass walls gave off a clean cut, simple look. Cozy white interior of about the size of my living room plus a kitchen, it is taken up by the pastries counter & a section that sells interesting creative nick knacks.

Since we've to wait a further 10 mins for the cake, we ordered a slice of cake (their 4th last piece!) & 2 lattes to savour the lazy Sunday evening with. Mmmm... my eyes feasted on the various trinkets there. Photos taken locally of different themes were printed with a certain Jap touch. Playgrounds taken of older times where it was the norm to have ceramic playgrounds with sands, dragons twinning after their tails; spiraling, spinning, twirling... nostalgic... non-existent mayhaps..

Cameras of older times with Kodak films available. Garments of Asian Diaspora, fusion cultural taste. And no wonder since the couple operating that side of the store was formerly from renowned creative agencies.

& Lo & Behold! they do support local artistes and writers. Thus if there's any publications, they would gladly review it & if appropriate, to put it up for sale as well! & as if the day couldn't get any better, they pointed out a bookstore ard the corner that supports literary works & local artistes; does weekly book launches, etc. Wow...

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Now, back to the phrase of "Everything happens for a reason".

Don't you think that awfully true?

At the end of the day, the path lies where the heart desires when it stays true to itself. Perhaps at times that connection might not be as obvious, nor took place as fast as this day did. BUT, definitely, everything is happening for a reason. The very reason that my heart still lies beating, that my soul is still alive, that there is still hope, that life, is indeed a gift.

2010-05-16T16:59:00.003+08:00

People expects me to share glimpses of my heartfelt opinions, juicy episodes of my life, in this thing that we call 'personal blogs'. Then again, there's this other group of selective few who rather wish that I not share anything too personal for fear that these information of myself might be used against me.

I wish that I can tell the virtual world everything that had happened to me, or to share my thoughts freely. Such as the internal turmoil that goes inside me daily when it comes to chasing dreams & love. I miss those school days when we girls would freely gossip or share about our crushes, the glances that the love interests cast at us & vice verse, the accidental brush of the hands with that popular jock or heated discussion with the senior in the debates team... Alas... nowadays, we need to learn how to keep things to ourselves as there's no knowing who might slip up & share what is supposed to stay within trusted friends with an arch enemy unintentionally or otherwise.

Work is progressing along just fine as we reach for another distinctive mile that will identify us yet again as a moove-r & shake-r of the industry. Ask me not how my love life is for I really can't divulge much.

Although... this is what I can say;

Complications. Complex. Confusion. Contradicting. Contortion.

The 5Cs.

LOL.

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This coming June, the APPIES will be held on 3 & 4 June at SIM. A marketing congress where 100 speakers will present award-winning campaigns to an audience comprising of top notch professionals & potential marketers.

In view of the challenges that the speakers will face, IAS arranged for a presentation masterclass for them and invited the partners & sponsors along as well. Definitely an eye opener and came away from it with valuable pointers. Can't wait to apply them in my presentations as well =)

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Tots are jumping ard. Snippets of memories flashing across my mind. How does one quantify a relationship? How do you judge whether the beginning is the end or perhaps there never was a beginning to hope for?

If the depth of your feelings for that person is judged by the intensity of the relationship, then is it quantified by the number of times you've weep ed for him or the number of quarrels, times you've broken up & patched back... That's an imbalanced relationship... one that you need to get out of. Isn't that so?

Certain individuals' love allows you to reach for the stars, whereas others' will only make life more complicated and miserable. How do couples managed to stay married? I wonder...

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Chapter One

16 May 2010 Sunday

Soft sunlight streamed through the white curtains, playing a tune of merriment across the tulip pink walls, seemingly as if to chase after the dreams of the lone occupant who lies yet, in a deep slumber. A breeze blew in & lifter the curtains partially; a breeze that carries the sounds of the outside world within that pastel pink walls.

At the foot of the bed, a spiral of green dust came into being. From a speck, it grew larger & larger, until a muddy soiled hand came through clutching at thin air! It dropped back through the swirling green dust only to be replaced by a headful of blond tresses a second later.

And that, my dear readers, is a story of how a Green Rider from the Netherlands joined us on Earth.

Now, a Green Rider is born ed in the hours between the twelfth & thirteenth hour on Midsummer Night when the day is as long as the night. Born ed of a lineage of hobbits and human royalty, he is the thirteenth son of the third son. Born ed to answer a calling of escorting the souls of the druids and magical creatures of the forest to the Netherlands when they have passed through that silver veil that separates the living from the dead.

Thus on this day, on the 16 May 2010, where modern science rules the world, a Green Rider set foot here with the living. Within this tulip pink walls. Is he here to stay? A figment of my imagination? Or could he be something more than my wildest fantasy?

That remains to be known in the next entry. For now, let me have more time with this Green Rider to find out just what exactly is he here for.

***** to be continued ***

2010-04-26T11:58:00.002+08:00

What does it mean to be a truly independent woman?

That question had been going through my mind for quite some time. Does being in a r/s means compromising on the independence? For you have to think about how choices you've made might implicate the other person & it sets limitations on being able to do whatever you wish with your time. How then am I able to go ahead & do whatever I wish to while being in a r/s?

Will there be someone who is understanding enough to know that being together will take a backseat to my own whims, wanderlust & dreams be they academically attune or career path manically set or simply just being true to myself, my heart. It's a lot of "ME" in all these I know but dear readers, pls understand that for the past 25 years, it had been a lot of going along with what society, peers, the boyfriends, the parents, want. There's been that "ME" who had been trying to compromise with all these factors, trying to reach a win-win situation but that just isn't happening. It's like a volcanic eruption - I can't take it anymore!

So yes, it's very much a "ME" time. I want to complete my driving lessons, ACCA, learn French & maybe some other languages, spark up that social life again, get my health back, enjoy my job & be good at it - all these within the next 2 1/2 years. AND then it's off to Europe.

Hmm... nothing much anywhere says anything about a bf or fiance or even a husband. For really doesn't know how this person can fits in or how he'll take it when I say that I wanna take off in 2 yrs time. Maybe he'll be like "What's going to happen to us while you're gone for a year then?" Geez... I simply don't have any answer now & if I were to wait till there's an answer to everything, that might be Judgement Day.

So nope, I don't wish to patch back not because I don't think you wouldn't make the cut. It's coz you're not part of the equation & I don't think your ego can takes it.

I don't think any guy's ego can take this.

So for now, I'm dating "Me" and maybe, just enjoying the companionship of several intellectual beings. Thinking of how to groom myself as well. Maybe spend a boom on those life coaches thing. Set a better eg of myself to me & maybe in the process, to be able to leave a legacy somewhere.

That's all I'm aiming for now.

And of coz in the year off to Europe & maybe longer, aiming to do those arts, paintings, get in touch with my artistic soul & to dance a little to life here & there. Keeping my fingers crossed that I wouldn't get mugged or killed. Speaking of that, need to pick up self defense skills & maybe some "bugs sprays".

Ciaoz~

2010-02-28T19:56:00.002+08:00

Wow... it's seriously been a long while since my last entry. Much apologies dear friends but been caught up with work, the festive season & a little bit of everything sweet, bitter, sour, hot & cold =x

The Moove Love Campaign is drawing to an end & it's the start of yet another mad rush for the next campaign due to launch in May. Plus a couple of other projects thrown in & I'm buried up to my eyes in work again. Piece of good news; passed 2 out of 3 of my ACCA papers! Despite missing like 1/2 the classes, scored 68 for audit which has a 28% passing rate =) cool right. Being so, it's a total waste of money to flunk a paper so gotta do my best to adhere to the schedules. Keeping my fingers crossed that it wldn't get crazily disrupted by work commitments again for this sem.

Meanwhile, I was able to take a break to go scuba diving in Manado, Indonesia back in Jan. The corals there are AMAZING!!! Best that I've seen so far. There were giant clams, reef sharks, black tip sharks, giant turtles, drop-offs with fish all ard it going like 30m!, barracudas, bat fish, rare O-ring octupus during night dive, garden eels, lion fish, puffer fish, crabs, octopus, jelly fish, weird colored slugs, gigantic corals/reefs, & endless other sights! And that feeling of being weightless in the water... just concentrating on your breathing, the sights, the freedom to swirl & summersault... man, feels like going back! LOL...

Although too much of a gd thing's can be a bad thing too as a 5 diving days nearly killed me =x with 3 dives daily!

Once back in town, there were some fun stuff as well. Attended a golf clinic during a work function which was fun. I shall never look at golf in the same way again for it sure was sweat breaking.

Made a trip to the National Museum as well today for a look at the Egyptian mummies exhibit. Hmm... Nothing much to shout out about for there wasn't any disected mummy on display. The tour guide touched on the culture & stories about their gods & it sure sounds like Greek mythology to me & perhaps, some similarities with the Old Testament as well. Esp with the siblings rivalry & incestrous marriages being relatively common.

Oh, an interesting tidbit --> Ancient Egyptians' main health problem was toothache! Coz they eat mainly bread & flour stuff and as they din hv advanced tech to process their food, they chomped down the stones & dust that got into the wheat as well. And these particles caused cavities in the teeth, resulting in tooth decay. Hmm... wonder how much the 1st dentist in Egypt earned. Muz have been crazy when they 1st discovered dental care =p

And on this note, I shall sign off for the day.

Cheers.

2009-12-25T22:05:00.002+08:00

My Christmas Wishlist:

iPhone 3GS? maybe
Creative MP3 player
Renovating my room - study desk, storage/shelving units for my stacks of books & notes. maybe Santa can upgrade my flat to a house & to grant me a mini library of my own? =X
World Peace (must appear bimbotic so as to appear harmless so others wouldn't see me as a threat in any way)
Character - more self discipline pls, better time management
Health - need to get this body shaking & shaping
Quality Personal Time
My Gals - F4! Jerry's in Shanghai, Vic's in BKK, Ken's busy with clients, me --> blurz
Shouldn't say anything abt career wise so as not to hex it.

Oh~ & here's wishing Serene a blissful marriage =) shall be seeing ya at your jingling wedding bells tml!

& to all couples who are meant to be & all those who aren't meant to be.

Cheerioz*~

XOXO

I'm calling in your bluff

2009-12-14T08:59:00.003+08:00

TODAY's front page story featured MM Lee's handover of the Pinnacle@Duxton, another high rise residential building in Singapore. Comments made to the press during this handover:
"They've got to decide whether the country is going to go up or down. If the country is going to go down, then economy will go down, people's incomes will be down, unemployment will be up, then property values will go down"

In relation to young couples who are concerned about property prices going up.

Of course that comment sounds logical, even self explanatory but no one highlighted in this article that the increase in property prices is not directly proportional to the increase in wages. Not even a darn hair span close.

Now, if that's the case, perhaps a drop in wages of... I dunno, maybe 5%? will result in 80% drop in property prices? Believe me, over the years since the HDB home ownership scheme was introduced, property prices had gone way way ahead of our wages increments.

So can we have the decremental wages stuff so that Singaporeans can live without having to constantly worry about mortgages, monthly bills and start to live a little of what they lives might be as carefree individuals? Stop putting all those monetary strains on young Singaporean couples starting out to build a life together.

Maybe migration doesn't sound that bad. Am staying on for the moment though coz this is home after all where I'm not treated like a 2nd class citizen. Although should the day come when having this sentiment comes at too high a price, my arse will be getting out of here.

2009-12-14T00:18:00.002+08:00

It's all a matter of getting your perspective right. As in to reflect reality, instead of churning up a whole lot of untruths in your head. Like thinking: "Say, why isn't that chick digging into my new look! And I took such great pains to make sure that I look great for this morning's breakfast meeting." Well dude, hurt to say this to you but that lady over there, her world doesn't revolves ard you & so unless you put your act together & actually talk to her, her thoughts are most probably still on how much carbs she had eaten for the day, what's her schedule's like, how irritating those treat or tricksters are during Halloween and the naught. Definitely nowhere near you, that's for sure.

And even if someone's thoughts did lay on you for a split second, what's the big deal? It'll move on to his or her own agenda for the day immediately afterwards. Unless you're in the way of getting those things done.

Everyone's worrying about something and sometimes, when they picked you out for a good laugh, it's coz they're insecure about themselves. Being that they don't want to be the one getting laughed at. So they stick to things that are safe, conventional and laugh at the dude that tries to stand out or is simply living according to his taste, style, principles.

Why do humans yearn so much for others' approval when it only makes us walk a certain route that's dictated and confined? Is that truly God's wish for us to be well behaved sheep that doesn't maximise our God given talents? Maybe it isn't that ridiculous to take a year off work & live among the monks in Tibet or scale that Mt. Everest, or put together a beautiful album of diversified cultures.

What do you envision yourself to be 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years or even 20 years down the road? Will you still be tied to your job, mortgage, responsibilities and be doing something that's putting enough on the table for you to live till the next day?

Things always work out somehow. If you'll just stay true to yourself. Perspective my darlings, perspective's the word.

Man & Woman

2009-12-12T19:33:00.004+08:00

In the Victorian ages and way before that, Romanticism among a man & woman was a simplistic notion. Man to Woman: I'm attracted to your beauty and lust for you. Woman to Man: And I, am swept off my feet by your breadwinning abilities!

And so Man & Woman walk into marriage and starts building a life together.

Today, if you tell a woman that you like her for her ability to make your hormones go wild, she'll think that you're a dickhead. Not event when you add on the stuff about how her intelligence had formed a deep impression on you. And that the fact that an intelligent & beautiful woman had chosen you, is enough for you to like or even love her. Nope. Wrong answer.

For doesn't that sounds like you're liking this woman coz of her decision to be with you boast your ego? What about liking her for being her? As an individual. Not some trophy gf to be had!

The same goes for men nowadays. The top elites and eligible bachelors want someone who'll be there to support them too, to appreciates them, other than their abilities to bring food to the table.

We have gone past the basic tier of the hierarchy of needs and no longer focus on the basic physical needs. We have emotional and spiritual needs as well. And for Man & Woman to deny each other that. I guess it's a good thing we're keeping those divorce lawyers ard. In fact, it's a pervasive situation for those lawyers are opening advertising about their litigation services! (Just saw one today. A Saturday! On TV btw 4 to 6pm! hmmm... does that indicates that couples who stay at home & watch TV together on a sat evening are losing the romantic touch & inching closer than ever to a divorce?)

And so perhaps it's better to invest in pets who cuddles up and doesn't betray you and for a dog/cat/bunny, you can be sure that it's going to be a gd 10 yrs of companionship.

Now now, that's the spinster in me talking. Of course I still dream of romance & the prince charming who'll love me absolutely for who I am. There'll always be moments that we disagree but that shouldn't be more than the moments that we can to enjoy each other's presence. Most importantly, to be able to see each other through the chasing of our dreams...

2009-10-31T13:36:00.003+08:00

We are not victims of life. Rather, we are the assassins of our own lives' love & happiness. We want what we desire, even if it leads to consequences that cause us to live in misery, against the values that we have. Is that what the Devil is about? Temptations mayhaps.

So the next time you're caught in a place where you're feeling resentment & anger, do press the 'pause' button on your forehead & think about how you landed up there. Maybe all it takes is a paradigm shift to make things right again. Or something worst could be lurking in the waters.

2009-10-18T18:50:00.002+08:00

A: Stop pretending that it doesn't matter
B: I'm not pretending. There's nothing much to be bothered about!
A thinks *Self delusional arse*
A: If that's the case, why does your heart aches so much, your soul's being traumatized every time your mind wonders over to ***
B: It's just a matter of convincing myself that it doesn't matter! The society is cool about it, people accepts that so what's wrong with me wanting to accept it too!
A: Coz darling, you are not everyone else. You, unfortunately or fortunately, are you.

Pause. Pause. Dots
Dots...
Dots.......

B: Can't someone just psycho me into thinking like the rest of the fold? Isn't that how the whole mainstream thoughts, paradigm & what naught work? Someone pls make me buy in on whatever messages that this s***wed up world is spamming! Brainwash me!
A: Honey, try as you might, you know that you aren't buying it.

B: SO what happens now that the brain & the heart have locked heads?
A: Your guts will tell you what's the right thing to do. For you.

And so, here I am, pondering why is it that I'm not doing what's right by me. By my heart... Is it the responsibilities, the comfort zone or the conformist in me that is keeping me away from living. Living, striving towards what matter to me.

Moove Love Charity Campaign

2009-10-04T09:58:00.009+08:00

Dear Readers,

It's been really quite a while since my last entry and seriously, don't think the last post counted =x & with the official launch of my campaign on 1st Oct, Children's Day, I at last managed to get a breather this weekend. Or so I thought. You see, a thousand & one things can & will still go wrong. Esp since this is the first charity campaign that we are running. Not just your simple flag days, but a whole new business all together! What's a media owner doing branching out into merchandising?!!

LOL =x that's where the roller coaster ride really begins & now, it feels like my head's on the chopping board constantly.

http://wwww.moovemedia.com.sg

So kawaii~~~~ the lovable yellow polka dots cows frolicking throughout the landscape of Singapore, reminiscing back on those good old retro days where all was well & good. Cheery & playful, "Fun", "Cool", "Rock", "Crazy" & "Sexy" peaks over hilltops, parks, road reserves, to greet the commuters on the roads.

And of course, for those who wants to brings home a piece of the lovable cow, they will be able to do so now that they had been commissioned for limited edition badges, Pilot Pens, Beautex tissue, stamps. All being launched out in October itself.
1 Oct - Badges
9 Oct - Beautex Tissue
15 Oct* (TBC) - Pilot Pens & Stamps

The landscape cows are also available for adoption =) can bring it back & plant it in your own garden/courtyard or be a watch cow for your house =p

All profits going to Home Nursing Foundation which had made good quality home nursing possible for those unable to afford it. Even the Nurse of the Year 2009 is from HNF!

My First Personal Interview!

2009-08-27T19:02:00.001+08:00

http://adlib-magazine.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!B5B80288481B5D16!421.entry

lol~

2009-08-18T21:19:00.001+08:00

I've dreamt about a cottage, not by the sea, thank you, rather... it's one on the gentle slopes at the foot of a mountain where lies a castle swarm with mists & fog. When the weather clears, the crisp fresh air, the warm dazzling sunlight that gives life to the plains, dandelions and pretty wild flowers that bloom all over, brings such great joy to my day. Warming up my day, giving that fuzzy feeling that I have inside of me... of a love lost in a past life, coming back to claim me as his own. A knowing look cast shall undo all the walls that I've built meanwhile, to protect myself from this childish dream that people call love. But alas... hope against hope that something such as mystical love, of knowing that you belong to each other, still exists.

Such is the way that novels wrote of; such is the dreams span & weaved; and the dream catcher swings in the window of the city apartment. How does the modernist dance alongside the romantic maiden that is inside each of us, those who had not been that disillusioned by the concrete city, the harsh demands of life? Perhaps the beauty of words & stories, tales of hope will give us strength & courage to hold on. That one day, we will get to hold onto that dream of waking up to have a family to call your own, a man to call your love, a life to build together. Encouraging each other to chase after dreams, challenging each other, sparring with pride & defiance, making up after each fight... Falling into that pile of fluff you call bed & galloping off to lands that know no bounds.

Laughter*

The musical sound of happiness had been so ever elusive. The lonely soul that might have been contented but never really known true satisfaction, now knows what he can't live without. For when you have known true love, when it is lost, a part of yourself is gone as well. That is how widows can be by themselves for so long... that is why loving grey haired couples seem to follow each other into the grave. For sometimes, it's simply coz they can't settle for the shadow of what it was. And if given a choice, will go down the same winding route all over again, to that little cottage that beckons, where love shimmers through and warm their hearts.

And so, Rapunzels of the grey cities make do with the instinctive need to create a home, to perform the obligatory duties of an offspring. Locked up in that towering stump, cowers that maiden that dreams of the freedom to call herself her very own.

Smashing walls*

Wanting to excel in what I do. Wanting to put in 100% in all that is good for me. I want to have that slice of happiness that others had not the courage to go for. I want all of me.

2009-08-10T14:12:00.001+08:00

Oh man... blogspot's technical glitch this morning, oops, this afternoon, is getting on my nerves for the layout is visually, aesthetically, unappealing. Which equates to having to write with a squeaky pen whose ink doesn't flow quite well & can't keep up with the pace of my thoughts. In fact, hindering the thoughts process when my attention keeps being diverted back to this nuisance. Sighz... oh well.

Was pondering on where to bring mom for dinner this saturday since it's her birthday on the 16 Aug. Went through the list of places that I've been to. Majestic? Kinda cheena, good value for money though as the quality is tip top. Servings' not tt huge so able to finish it. The Blu? Rather posh but think the simple woman will feel too out of place in that romantic settings =x will KIV for a date. Jaan? French, nice view. too romantic? lolx... Dempsey's white rabbit, lei garden, the sun... *scratch head* then brilliant bro had this idea to go for buffet dinner! now now, think Greenhouse at ritz will be a darling choice and I'll have the seafood pls~ oh, add in the wine option too. or how about sunday champagne brunch? hmm... might not be a good idea to end up drunk in the middle of the day. lolx.

Then stoopid bro went on to say that he has a chalet this coming wkend & it's zouk night out with primary sch pals. No choice, gonna give the ultimatum to go for the dinner 1st with us. Don't think he'll wanna miss out on the buffet *evil grinz*.

Looking forward to seeing the smile on my mom's face at the spread =)

Being a long weekend, I was able to catch up with a couple of gal friends on Saturday night & went dating on Sunday evening. Silly dear dear scratched his car when veering out of the carpark lot. 2nd time within the past month! gonna cost him another $220. Which resulted in a rather moody evening as he brood over it, being pissed off with himself. It was a pleasant setting out robertson quay as we were sitted along the river. The breeze was cool & pleasantly strong, easing the summer's heat waves. And there, that poor man sat frowning & 'sulking' after we gave our orders on the set dinner, accompanied with wine. I was in a frenzy, wanting to coax him, to drive away that frustration so that as least, the evening wouldn't be spoilt. After all, time together is precious as neither of us had much time for romantic dinners nowadays.

And thus I began telling funny anecdotes from work, with friends, words of wisdom injected at hopefully, the right moments. It might be a patch of bad luck that he is going through but if things are defined into either bad/good events, then other than this little patches of bad luck in btw, wouldn't the rest of the events in our lives be defined as 'good times'? Little things that we take for granted everyday. Arriving home safe & sound, having that bread brought to the table. Most of all, we escaped death last year when the car spanned and skidded on a mountainous trail, and would have landed up as pancakes off the cliff! Thus every moment here on earth after that is a moment more stolen from death. Every morsel, every trip, sensation, experience... If life had ended then & there, I would never have know the joy of scuba diving, the warmth of my family as I shifted back home... Would have missed out on the growth of my family & friends.. and of myself. And so, if things don't go my way that often, I would still get frustrated like he does and then we will go on to remember that we have bagged the biggest laugh at the end of it. Being Alive.

Thus I go on to dream about the future, to make possibilities come true as far as my capacity allows me to. Maybe, I might get lucky big time again and cows can fly =)

2009-07-12T19:39:00.003+08:00

A: "Is that a sunrise or a sunset?"
B: "Are you having jet-lag? Something must be wrong with your bio-clock to pose this kinda silly question."
A: "No... I'm just not sure whether we are sitting on the same side of the world..."

There's always 2 sides of a coin. I might have fallen in love with the side that was projected to me and that side of you... I might even still be in love with. Alas! The monstrosity of your other half... that was what destroyed us, destroyed what you were to me. And so yes, I am still in love with you but I know now that it was never real to begin with...

The above sentiment might apply to a boy-girl relationship of courtship & more than platonic love. Or it might apply to a relationship with someone or something that you thought you know well but turned out otherwise. Is the flip side of the coin that horrifying or perhaps it's just coz we never bother to find out more about the less than perfect half that is us.

Maybe that is why we are all trying hard to embrace ourselves without any reservations, to accept the world as it is. At least most of us are in that stage. It's not that bad a stage to be at for most of us are contented in this mode. Perhaps the perfectionist side of me is making too much of a fuss over the less than perfect me.

2009-06-12T23:58:00.003+08:00

Back to work this Wednesday and found that I've suddenly 3 more headcounts to be responsible for. Even though they are interns, 2 of them are in their 20s and just a couple of years younger than me at most. Wow. This is the time when I'm esp. grateful for all the mentoring that my boss over at GJH had given me... the guidance, the 'nagginess', the part about being meticulous and most of all, being super conscious of what they are doing. Luckily, the management here is slightly more forgiving than over at GJH and thus the little mistakes or the less than stringent follow ups aren't overly picked on at the moment. Although that's gonna change next week for the campaign is dawning on us and even with the shift in launch date, 2 months is still a close call when we're talking about shipments from China for the respective 'ammunition' for the campaign.

And so tml morning might actually be a working morning for me, to go over the interns' reports and to give my input over their work. It's like seeing me 2 years back. lolx... Somehow at this very moment, I'm thankful for the choices that I've made for if not, I wouldn't be where I am today, at this pace. I might not have gone the high flyer route that my classmates or uni mates had, nor went into R&D where my Chemistry background might have led too but this is exactly where I am happy with. Marketing. Branding. Collaboration. Story building. Breaking boundaries & conventional thoughts. Even ACCA is starting to get more interesting with its 'alluring' theoretical parts on case studies.

Was reading a book - Freakonomics - before my preparation for my exams and there was one interesting case study about the states that further fortified my belief in the butterfly effects. There was a period around the 60s to 70s that crime was rising higher & higher in new york and economists, sociologists had forecasted that it will only get worse exponentially & soon, about 50% of the youths will land in prison or crime related situations. All of a sudden, in the 80s, crime rate suddenly decreased drastically and no body could figure why it was going the opposite direction instead of sky rocketing. Was it the increased no. of police officers? Better statutes & regulations? Rigid schooling? What was it that made it fall more than 50% and continuing?

The true trigger was made 20 years ago when abortion was legalized. Youths who were not prepared to have children nor capable of having any, were given a life saving hotline. Children who were expected to live lives of crimes were brushed out of existence. The society's resources were better able to cope with the children who are wanted. Instead of solving poverty by getting what they want with a gun aimed at the petroleum's cashier, these troubled youths were simply not there anymore. And none of the analysis mentioned it at all. That's how freaky the butterfly effect is. So perhaps, one of the Bills' that's being passed today might make a difference to the next generation. And the answer that we are looking for today might lie in an established case decades ago.

And that's the magical part of touching hearts, changing lives. And that is what the upcoming campaign hopes to achieve. A tall order it might be but if I wanna reach for the sky, I might as well reach for the stars for it's all in the same formula - reaching out, reaching up.

2009-06-07T01:03:00.004+08:00

Polks Dots Craze

A compelling urge came over me; to throw in the towel for good for ACCA. Financial Reporting is incorrigible or rather, I'm getting en strangled by it and the time factor here, being that the paper is on Tues and I've another paper on Monday which I haven't studied for. It's a killer having to study part-time when half my mind's still on a campaign. Life's a bitch this way. Time management's not being my forte, procrastination being my buddy at the most inappropriate time. Like say, I'm supposed to get my power sleep now instead of bitching online. Kinda like some one's blog I came upon the other day. More distractions. LOL.

What can I say, I'm easily distracted when information is freely available, be it online or offline.

Anyway, am finding that Starbucks had came a long way but Starbucks Singapore still have a leaf or two to take from their HQ. The Starbucks that I've read about stands for its missions, causes and community projects that it tries to participates in whenever there's a certain synergy. Whereas for Starbucks SG, it had laid low for much of the community involvement thing. I wonder what's the stance and whether the branding position is just to let the US HQ determines all its activities. I wonder if the marketing division in SG is even needed. Like say btw Coffee Bean and Starbucks, most people will go to Coffee Bean for its beverages whose coffee aroma is stronger and fills up your nasal in the good old fashioned way and the ice blends taste less sugary and more caffeine powered. It's a pity really for Starbucks' espresso drinks aren't that bad except when they try to combine it with sugar.

Another favorite's TCC where I get to enjoy a cuppa Sumatra blend, Brazil Santos or Blue Mountain, all in the same sitting and still get to have my pot of herbal tea. No wonder I've been losing sleep with all that caffeine. Or maybe it's that nightmare of an exam. 3 papers. 1 down, 2 to go. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying my time with all that coffee-housing. Did I mention that I've taken a liking to peppermint tea as well? Hmm... If only Borders isn't that far for the coffee club there is still my favorite study nook.

Btw, have stumbled onto a pal's blog and am loving the music there. Shh...

Off to dreamland and keeping my fingers crossed for a more productive tml. Less of shopping, grazing, dreaming and more analytical productive financial sense.

2009-03-13T09:06:00.002+08:00

Came across an interesting article recently where an amateur photographer was mugged in some rural area of China got saved through her Facebook accounts when all conventional hope had died. LOL... quite a dig at mankind considering that back in my JC days, one of the fav. GP essay topic is to discuss whether technology will cause us to be isolated non social beings. Seeing that this lady's call for help to local & overseas authorities went unheeded (except for that kind officer who lent her money for if not, she wouldn't be able to access her Facebook account at the internet cafe), whereas her Facebook account got her out over the weekend, on Monday,(that's less than 1 working day for u!), it's a rub straight in the face at those who detest technology or refuse to advance.

& of course, the above is related at my new workplace. LOL.. I'm typing on a old acer AF715 desktop PC which hangs often in between slides, applications, everything. Couldn't download any software, using Open Office, Lotus Notes that has a weekly memory space (anything more you'll have to archive), financial papers that are filed! Can't extract information from a common system... if the PIC is not in town, can forget about getting any approval/ signatures since no one else can do it. Every thing's in-house to save on costs so you'll have to be multi-talented & super pro active to be able to distinguish yourself in this "creative mad-house". *Faintz* Wonder how long I'll be able to take this environment. Will I be able to overcome the cultural shock & continue staying here or will I go look for greener pastures? The answer really depends on whether I'll be able to click with my boss who'll be back on Monday.

Meanwhile, this Facebook user will continue to live with the Gigantic Ancient One and weigh out the pros & cons.

Forbidden Fruits

2009-02-28T09:23:00.003+08:00

It's really tough to get it out of your system. I know. Really. Esp. when the reason why we are propagating Earth randomly is coz we got kicked out of Paradise when that pair committed the ultimate disobedience - consuming that forbidden fruit. & thus God says 'thou shall not convent your neighbour's wife'. In which, I'm curious to know whether that applies to strangers' boyfriends, husbands? Do we put the blame in our genes if we're part taking in that forbidden fruit or the values that were imparted to us if one day, we find ourselves reaching out for that forbidden love...

Perhaps it's been a really tough day & the night just got worse, as if the sun will never rise again. It'll be so good to fall into the embrace of another who understands & provide a constant stream of love no matter who your are, to have something to put a little bit of that oomph into your life again. & so you tip toed silently towards that door & reach out.. for that tub of Ben & Jerry's, that piece of dark chocolate or for some, a glass of wine. & there goes that diet or cholesterol level that the doc had been asking you to watch out for.

The world is laid out with abundant indulgences & more often than not, we reach out for one of them to escape from ourselves for that 2 hours. Admittedly, life is stressful & if it wasn't, we will still be living in the cavemen ages for that's what advancement brought us. Each of us will have to decide that pace of advancement for ourselves & to recognize the amount of effort needed for that goal. Thus if we aren't prepared to give up so much of ourselves for the destination, we have to scale back instead of reaching out for that forbidden fruit.

& of course, there's the matter of increasing our EQ & AQ nowadays and we might just be able to burst through that threshold & achieve our goals w/o suffering the side effects - depression, divorces, suicides, alcoholics, drug abusers, & the list goes on of mankind & his forbidden fruits.

So is it really that better on the other side of the road? I say, it's what you make out of your side of the road. Coz that guy sitting next to you had actually been eyeing your plate all these while.

2009-02-24T11:40:00.002+08:00

Is blogging about occurrences in your life considered bragging (since most ppl blog either to boast abt extravagant details or extreme sufferings)? How does someone blog without revealing too much about him or herself? I guess that comes when the blogger give ambiguous, political views or perhaps, even misreps hoping that readers can see past that viewpoint to what he or she truly thinks & feels abt that topic. Then again, why wld readers give 2 hoots about the blogger's feelings unless the reader is a personal friend. Doesn't that equate to the success formula of a popular blog? - Make it informational in a sensational way.

So readers, what is it that keeps you coming back here? I will say that my blog's hardly informational unless in that philo, psychiatric way. At times shading a glimpse of my personal life. Like the 'juicy secrets' that I'm about to spill. =x or not.

It had been a time of madness & jubilant over CNY. Catching up with friends over dinner & drinks at Blue Basil (located at Cainhill Rd), an upcoming restaurant that prides itself on homegrown basil - 3 variants - that gives its name & its signature pesto basil sauce that diners can choose to accentuate the taste of their main course. A cream based sauce that gives a lighter body than your conventional mayo, spectacular with its green highlights, an aroma infused with herbs & spices wafting up, a second later hit by the smoky grilled taste of the succulent crayfish as you helped yourself to the crustacean display. Mmmmm~~~~ Best of all, the broccoli's done exactly the way I like - tenderized & juicy, accompanied by buttered pilaf; long grains, with a hint of appetizing buttery wholesomeness; lightly glossed & salted.

All accompanied by house poured white - South Africa Chardonnay that's very comfortable on the budget & definitely on the palate itself.

Recommendations:
Starters: Forget the mussels & shrimp cocktails & go for the grilled artichokes!
Mains: Grilled Crayfish. Try salmon. Saving pasta for the next visit =)
Deserts: Tiramisu!
Wine: House pours are great. For those with a wider pocket, other premium wines available

Verdict: A cozy waterhole serving delicious food, tucked away in town. Definitely a pat on the shoulder for 8 mth old Blue Basil

$$ - mid range

Post Dinner activities:
Chilling out over that bottle of wine! Plus funny, entertaining encounters at Winebar. & yes, the Bellini at winebar rocks!

Other alerts:
Wine Connection's latest branch at Cuppage for its fans & I must say, some of the outlets at Cuppage serve really mean fish. My favorite =)

(ok, fluttering off, attention span's too short for me to continue seating here, blogging!)

Death

2009-01-26T22:22:00.005+08:00

Last Monday, I attended the wake of a friend who was my jc senior, nus course mate, enyouth's colleague & who was a bundle of optimism even in trying times of sufferings during his cancer treatments. He was the kind of guy who will help out his friends whenever possible, someone who loves potatoes with a weird passion & devours them in whatever style they come in. During his treatment, he continued to blog, check on his friends & pass on encouragements. He's the KY who tagged my blog occasionally & even dreamt about me getting married this coming October... It was a silly dream but nonetheless, it just drew me closer to him in thoughts for it's not that often that we dream about those ard us.

Having said all that, I'm sorry to say that the last time I caught up with him was abt a year ago for work related matters. From then till now, I had been so caught up with myself that I haven't been visiting him. A part of me had thought that such a cheery person will surly make it through & survive & God wouldn't choose to take him away. Always thinking that I'll be able to meet up with him out of the hospital, over coffee. He had just gone for stem cells transplant & should have been recovering well. He was home for Christmas & still was able to enjoy the spread laid out for him... & then with a blink, he's gone.

How many deaths will I have to go through now that it had started. I had thought that death will only surround me when I'm in my old age & now, barely a quarter through my life & death's shadows had fallen upon my doorstep, securing unnatural deaths that shouldn't have been.

Is this why I chose to live in my own world so that when people leaves, I wouldn't be devastated. Is that why I chose not to walk through the last lap with KY. Is that why when I visited my late cousin while she was undergoing chemo, I went unwillingly for the scene simply broke my heart. With much dread, I watch my family members & those dear to me, wishing that it's within my power to keep the death hound away... It is thus that we're reminded of how short a stint we have on earth. How little time we have with each other. How it is that the fleeting encounters that we have with others are truly miraculous when we have so little time in the world & of all places, we chanced upon the other at that moment in life where our paths crossed. Isn't' it simply amazing that we are who we are, where we are & those ard us are who they are. Just a single twist & the butterfly effect might have landed each of us askew & off track, missing out the other for eternity...

Death being the only constant in our lives, apart from changes, looms at our households. We choose to deal with it in our own ways & often, it's not part of our plans, touching our lives occasionally when the time comes for those ard us. Old adage had advised us to live each day as if it's the last. If it was the last day, will I still be this aloof with the people in my life? Will I still choose to ignore my passions, putting them on hold till there's a better time for me to pursue them. That's the procrastination side of me, the side of me that's putting my life on hold.

And so there was much left unsaid when we put people on hold.. when we put ourselves on hold...

2008-12-28T13:12:00.003+08:00

Time just simply flies. Before I know it, another week's gone. This time last week, we were still in the Christmas mood, busy shopping ard for pressies, planning surprises, wanting to dote on the people that we love and to spend some quality time with them. & this year, I did something different, I took my mom out for my Christmas shopping last Sunday and who would have tot that shopping can be that enjoyable. Seriously, it gives great joy to be shopping for gifts, instead of for myself. Although the next time we're out, I'll love to give mom a makeover =)She's one woman in my life who deserves to be pampered, her resilient character, her selflessness for my bro & I, her endless contribution towards making the home a place that we love, her presence spells warmth, that no hearth can replace.

Memories of my childhood surfaces whenever I think of Mom. The lunchbox that she packed, how she'll wait for me during recess time when I just entered primary school so that I wouldn't be scared, shown how to buy food from the hawkers. When it's raining, she'll wrapped our shoes in plastic bags or let us wear slippers to school, taking our school shoes along to change. & that's how my feet always remain dry at the start of each raining school day... only to be soaking wet when I jumped playfully into puddles of water along the roadside on the way back home~ Mom had always been there... making me feel safe in this big big world... & Dad of course, just that Mom being a housewife & all, spent more time with us, & in the process filling up our childhood with her scent.

& it's funny how such a conventional woman had brought up such a wilful child like me who doesn't really like to do chores & in fact, could have been a boy just like the bro! Time had aged this tomboy & given a mellowed, unique edge to this tomboy who had thankfully, fallen in love with boys. Vocal, stubborn, adventureous, & nowadays, wiser when it comes to the skill of living. & when it comes to love... painful lessons had taken place & left scars along the way but to deny the River of Love, to deny Aprodite, is to deny being alive. For how can one shut the emotions away for good as we're but human after all. & so, she taught me a different kind of love. Love for oneself, for the family, & what comes along is respect for the respective people, understanding & being understood. Sometimes the paths that we wanna take might lead to destinations that seem clear to us, but really, they're but illusions. & we need the people by our side to remind us of where the boat is steering towards & back on course again.

There's a time & place in life for everything. We can't have what we want whenever we want it & that's the culture of instant gratification. Instant... The cup of instant noodles definitely pales beside the homemade dish of pasta by your beloved... she, who had taken great pains to slice up the ingredients, preparing the pasta sauce from scratch, taking into consideration the receiver's likes & dislikes, tailoring it to suit his taste... That, my dear, isn't instant. That takes time & patience, love & care, listening & observational skills, with that dear one that you chose to spend time with each day. Is spending time with each other enough? Why bother if you aren't present mentally & emotionally?

& thus, there's a stage in life for different interests & people. Who has your greatest mindshare now?

Outsider

2008-12-15T23:25:00.002+08:00

A dear friend recently shared a quote by the poet EE Cummings,

"To be yourself, in a world that tries, night and day, to make you just like everybody else - is to fight the greatest battle there ever is to fight."

Often, we do not recognize the efforts to draw us into the mainstream of life, of society's chosen path. Often, we drift along with it. We didn't understand it and as teenagers, we turned to R&B, Rock music, perfect 10 98.7FM loud music, Linkin Park, Pink, to relate to the angst in that music. At times, we identify with Michael Learns to Rock, Savage Garden, ballads, and had a glimpse of what life might be like if only, if only, if only.... we are in love... And thus, we lived the days of emotional awakening, to glorify our emotions, to crave for that touch that we want, that loving touch of unrequited love, from that Valentine or from that mother that we've never got to know. We drifted on to become images of our parents or perhaps, images of the portrayed working class - listen to what the society is saying, the government is investing in and work towards that industry. Go where 'success' & accomplishments (recognized & acknowledged by society's elites) is. And so we drifted into the respective roles that made up the economic hub that Singapore is today.

What happens when we are aware of what society is trying to do, how we are being programmed to think in the same manner and encouraged to abandon our dreams by luring us into desiring the need for approval from the elites, from our community? Some of us might struggle to be themselves, to hear the tots from within and there are others that we call rebellious who will try their luck to tempt fate into breaking them by breaking all the protocols of the community. Till the day when they've reached the threshold of no return. How then to balance thine self on that tight rope to make sure that you are really hearing yourself instead of being a rebellious individual? Are you really that sure that the stand that you are making is coming from deep within, from that original voice?

And then we drift into another life... The voice that we can barely hear is like any other voices that we listen to. The elites', the community's, the clan's, the world's, the economy's. It induced us to make a decision, a choice, either to go along or against the beliefs, principles & ideals. The question lies in whose are they? Redefining boundaries, mindsets, ideals - different stages in life. Stagnant & you get a person who had been transfixed & became a mirror of society's (power figures) mindset. Stagnant, where no input comes form within, only from without.

It scares the daylights out of me, to admit, that I might have been drifting, to become a ghost of who I truly am. And such, is the power of the world whose ways entice & force you to join it, in order to realise your dreams.

Remembering

2008-11-28T23:54:00.004+08:00

Christmas' once again arriving.

Am remembering. Remembering past xmas spent, with friends at parties, gatherings back in those girly days, with a candle lighted for that boy who might be with us next xmas.

Remembering.

Memories floating by, sending shivers down my spine even before I tap on them. Each calling & reaching out for me to remember; the feelings, the emotions tagged to that image, that instant. Memories of a child turning more so into a woman with each xmas passed, memories that include others on that path towards the search for oneself.

I remember.

The brain remembers as does the heart. This body recorded every incidence that happened to it. It remembers.

It remembers the fears and hope of yesterdays. The dreams and way of life chosen so long ago, emphasized and entrenched even more so with each passing day.

Christmas' once again arriving.

Who will be by my side this time round. For whom will I light the candle for this time. Remembering why I had chosen to take flight, perhaps this time round, I will stay to fight.

Fighting for the memories of tomorrow. Fighting for what I want to remember.

Food for the Soul

2008-11-23T14:05:00.006+08:00

What is food for the soul? We all had moments when we're squirming away in our seats, be it the posh cushions of the Chairman's or the plastic stools beside our kids (or someone else's), wanting to reach out for something to fill us up. Next thing we know, we might be out there running, or there's Mr. Woofy, our fav soft toy from childhood days, the family's pet licking up your face or just jumping ard blasting that hi fi set away with Carpenters' songs or some rock that was playing on your prom night. Or perhaps it's that taste of 76% pure dark chocolate or indulgence that you had been craving for. Eventually, it's a band aid. For the effects doesn't last, not the way that it's supposed to be when you find something that truly is the missing piece to your heart, your soul.

So, what's that missing piece, that food for MY SOUL? Is it God & his sermons or that wish to be able to face up to everything & say, I want to give all of you up in return for that ideals & dreams that I always had. To shut up all the voices in my head & ard me abt responsibilities, abt financial securities & just be FREE. Of course, there's a price to pay silly. & that's the disapproval from the rest of the world. & what hurts most, is that they're gonna come from your loved ones, those ppl who are supposed to stand by you in times when you go crazy & wanna do things your way & not thru the means of the world. So am I crazy or crazy? I feel like I'm abt gonna burst from being caged up. You get to see that gal who looks like she's got all the answers, who's so cool & un flustered by anything that goes on in her life and I'm saying, the gal's human too.

No, seriously, I'm still trying to diagnose what's eating me up. & it's creeping me out, this not knowing what to do. The job's ok, but I'm not looking for an ok life, I'm looking for Ms. Fabulous. Is this the greed tt ppl r always talking abt? This search for happiness & wanting things to be the best? What does having the best entails?

We can do all the asking we want, all the whys in the world and we aren't gonna get the answers. Why? Coz we're humans. Not God. So that's why we don't have all the answers. Does the govt has the answers? Nope, they are just going thru the motions that makes the best economic sense. ECONOMY. Not our well being, just well enough to make us controllable factory workers.

Wat plans to make then Ms. Fabulous? Wat steps to take to break out of this cage and making sense of the world. What do you guys see me as? An artist, a creative writer, someone who makes things happen? A psychologist, a speaker? Perhaps someone who ought to go see the world & use that for creative juices to spark SG's context. Or maybe there's something with the current life worth sticking out with & making some good out of it. Maybe I just want a change. Come to think of it, I'm not really good with sticking to things for more than a couple of years.

Unless you're taking about good conversations. Now that's worth sticking to, over a good cuppa illy coffee.

2008-10-27T22:52:00.002+08:00

What am I doing nowadays? I find myself starting to get more involved in my work rather than thinking that it's personal time after 5.30pm. Reasons? The work environment is actually destructive to your momentum & working pace as your colleagues or your boss will offload tasks on you on top of the projects that you're working on. That equals less time for thinking, doing presentations, getting figures, visuals... So yup, I find myself spending about 50% of my personal time on work. Which I predict will only get worse as time gets by... Can't believe the amount of work piling up.. Is it just me or what? Geez... I must say tt's really poor work efficiency. Anyone knows how to bulldoze his way through and yet product well-done work/presentation?

How does one turn into a workaholic? Is it when you get addicted to the adrenaline rush when you're getting all the facts & figures that will arm you for that negotiation/ meeting? Is it when your mind is so totally intrigued by how consumers and people around you think & behave? Their purchasing patterns and how it differs from their comments? Realizing that figures don't lie. In times when the market is bad, how do brands maintain their creme de la creme clientele? It's tough. It's brain wrecking. It's stupidity at its best. Trial & error, that's what you get. Even past cases can't give you the answers you want as the market situation changes over time. One variant. That's all it needs.

Am I a changed person from what you get a year ago? Maybe. Then again, better look at the figures, in another context.

2008-07-26T02:00:00.005+08:00

It's been a really long time since I last blogged and no doubt I might have been given up for lost. The last time I had felt like blogging, it wasn't with the sounds of MamMa Mia trumpeting with joys of freedom, declaration of independence, of mirth, making delightful noises as I am now. Shhh... Just watched the movie online and I guess that's the part of me saying that I'm not a legal bidding docile gal after all in the land of rules aplenty. The movie itself might make for a silly plot but it being a musical itself, well... it's music baby, classical musical and that never falls to put me in the good mood. Not when you combine adrenaline, pure girlish 80's fun, dancing, singing & a dash of naivety and a happy ending.

Yup, that's right. I'm still such a gal at heart. But I'm like that. I love the book Sunday at Tiffany's by James Patterson where this little gal has an imaginary friend, a set of parents who never made her feel as if she's good enough, even when she's all grown up. How does this imaginary friend helps her into life again? Well, that's for you to find out.

2008-05-18T22:16:00.002+08:00

This is me taking a break from my revision. Actually, it's only been a couple of days since I really started revising for my exams which is due to be on the 4th & 6th of June. Man.. full day revision classes ytd and tml & there goes my long wkend. On this kinda bright sunny summer day, no soul nor spirit shld rightfully be trapped indoors.

My wisdom tooth's giving me the ache again. lol... Pushed back the surgery date since my bosses in my dept aren't ard till june so I can't possible go on a 5 days MC now! Signz... luckily the discomfort is not that distracting.

Okay.. diverted again.

As I said, no soul should rightfully be trapped indoors & I was away at Borders' Coffee Bean studying for a couple of hours, to rub shoulders with the crowd and on my way back home, I saw something that upset me. A pigeon landed in front of the car that I was in & then proceeded to flip slightly off & into the next lane (mine was the turning lane so the car was queuing) where there were cars ongoing. Immediately, a car knocked into it & it lay on its side, the wings flapping, trying to get back on its balance. Then another car went over it, and another, and another.... till the wings no longer flap & it lay there, a fluffy puff on the road. & I wonder, if I were to get off the car in the 1st place & to take it to the side, it might not have died... then again, it could have just flapped out of my reach into the next lane where I cldn't follow. How oft have we tot of going after someone or something to save it from its self destruction only to realise that perhaps the results might be the same.

I'm only glad that I didn't see it get squashed. That wld have been too much of a horrendous sight to behold & tears will hv known no bounds.

By now, you might have got to know me well enough to know that I'm pretty much someone who's non commitant. Someone whose action plans normally get planned on the day itself or somewhere near the dateline. Or perhaps it's cos I depend too much on guts instincts & feelings such that I'm always wishing to do things that please me & that wldn't do if I want to get ahead in life. So ACCA is definitely one of the tiny baby steps that I'm taking to change my life. To say I want to do it instead of saying I'm too tired or not interested. Just by doing it, I find that it isn't half as bad as I initially tot it wld be. Just like the dark isn't exactly that scary once I know that I have faced it before. LOL...

Then again, of course things might happen to cast a shadow over things that I previously din have any fear of. Just like when the car skidded in Greece & nearly fell off the mountains, which caused me to feel discomfort & maybe induces fear into me when I'm in the front passenger seat of a car that's going above 80km/h. In the past, I felt as easy as I could be even if the car's speeding above 200km/h. Perhaps that might cast a fear when I take up my driving lessons which is soon. So... I guess practice will really help in overcoming the fear.

So how does one face his fears? Truly as the adage goes, there's no way to go about it but to face it, confront it, conquer it. Just do it. of course, with an action plan. For then, you'll know exactly how to do it in your mind, it's all planned out. Just like the star athlete who goes through the motions mentally before a game, the speaker who sees it in his mind how he's gonna to present to the board & convince them before the meeting. We have to see ourselves doing it 1st in our mind before we know that we can be capable of it. & that's y we daydream perhaps. Dreaming or visualizing? Perhaps we should all take 5 in the mornings to visualize the day that we want to have each morning...

Alrighty, think coffee break's over.

2008-03-28T18:32:00.002+08:00

my mind's suddenly a blank whenever i logged into this blog... there's aplenty on my mind alright but somehow, the words just doesn't seem to flow as they used to. somewhere along the way, the magical twists, the injection of the spirit into their manifested counterparts in the form of words... just seem to have met an obstacle. How? is it coz of the numerous secrets that are hiding deep within me that i might not even be aware of? is it how i know that althu i look together on the outside, my heart is actually in little bits & pieces, strewn across memory lane? i know naught...

an ex flame of mine dropped me an innocent note online as he had lost my contact. rather, i had chosen to delete his from mine & when i changed my no, i simply did not have the heart nor the strength to notify him. why r there tears in my eyes? is it coz of the ballads that i'm listening to or the cries of my sensitive soul from deep within? wat is it that i hear... i had wanted to become a better person, a more attractive person all for the wrong reasons. no matter how i change, it wldn't matter to someone who had decided to betray me. living in the past had made me a bitter person and left a heart that had been unable to love another as wholly. & when along came someone whom i tot cld speak to that heart of mine... turned out that he was a messenger of death as well.

i dreamt of flying... of living in a different age & era. then again, i find myself helpless... coz across all ages, no matter where i go, i still met the same problem; happiness can't be found through others' expectations. i need to be stronger, to be my own pillar. hopefully, through pretending to be strong, i can be truly strong one day...

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it's like having a split personality. when i'm penning down this entry, i'm able to extract myself from the whole situation, from my life, from that pitiful soul that's crying SOS & victimizing herself. that's a sorry state to be in. & the logical part of me is asking, 'what has she got to whine abt, to wallow in misery when there are others out there who can't even have a decent bed for the night or a bun to have for the day'. yet, this critical self understands the victimized soul but there's nothing much to be done for her. except to put her into the closet & locked up. thing is... her cries can still be heard.

how can anyone understands this agony, this multiple personalities, this freak? everyone that she has come across in life, knows a diff side of her. even her colleagues... right lijun? lol... no one at work will ever believe that this gal can be a party animal as well but then, there's another crowd that knows her to be wilder still. so who's the real me? who's the real her? perhaps she is but a flashing light across the sky, sparkling & seemingly there but not...

now now... she is but a human, a distant candle light that is rather out of reach but just like numerous others found in the city. fueled by her desires and perhaps of expectations... how do we then fault a voice that is simply singing out human nature's story?

thinking too much? geez... as if you don't. denial & numbing oneself is simply most ppl's way to deal with questions & answers tt they dun acknowledge. i'm in denial more often than not. living from one day to the nxt not knowing where i'm truly supposed to be. only that since i'm here, i supposed that's my place for the moment. until another wind of opportunity blows me in a diff direction & land all together...

darn it. now i sound like a psycho. oh well. i never did claim that i was sane to begin with.